Diary 4

I want a Cinderella Story, The Notebook Romance, A Walk To Remember true-to-death love. And to be completely honest, I want you and only you. I want to stop wishing for you at 11:11 because you’re already mine. I want to draw your name in hearts and not feel guilty. I want to stop sitting up at night praying to God to make you mine. I want to be with you, and only you. I want to text you day and night, I want to hug you and never let go, I want you to kiss me on the cheek, just to be spontaneous, I want to hold hands with you and show you off to the world. I want you, and only you.

Diary 3

You know when you pass a stranger on the street or see them on the bus or a skytrain and you think they are cute...do you ever wonder what they're thinking and if they are thinking the same thing about you? This happened to me today as I was coming home from a resume building workshop and I saw this cute mixed guy on the skytrain. Yup, he definitely was mixed, I can tell, it's my gift. He's one of those mixed guys that looks more Asian than White but has the biracial component to him. My first thought was, “this guy is hot!" Usually when I see a cute guy I get really nervous and self-aware and try to be as graceful as possible but I actually imagine myself as looking uptight. I fix my hair and try not to seem obvious that I'm attracted to this guy. I think it's a girl thing. I was sitting right in front of him so he was facing my profile while playing with his ipad and listening to music but would look outside the window a few times. All I could think was, I hope he talks to me. But that usually never happens. Anywho, in my head I wondered if he thought I was cute too. But I had to get off my stop so I didn't give it much time to play out. However, as I got up and walked away, I noticed from my peripheral vision that he watched me walk past the window so he was looking. If I had more guts, I would have made eye contact with him and gave him a flirty smile as I walked past. *Sigh. I also imagined that if this were a movie, he would have chased after me when I got off at my stop and asked me for my name and a date. But this is reality.

Diary 2

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one ever in life that's not gonna find true love. I feel as though everywhere I look and everyone around me has found their special someone, someone that they care for, someone that makes them feel special, someone that makes them feel LOVED. I've pretty much gone my entire life without being in a serious relationship and it's something in my life that I seek. Friends tell me, it's okay, my time will come and that I'm young, but I'm not that young anymore. I'm out of my teens and into my early 20's. I've always had a problem with the word unrequited. It's always I like someone but they don't like me back or the other way around. Why can't things be mutual? I'm think I'm a nice girl with a good personality and especially a good heart. I can make people laugh and I love life, have fun, try new things and I don't think I'm butt ugly, although I have my days. I would say I'm attractive, not to sound vain or anything cuz I have lots of flaws and I'm not super gorgeous. However, I feel like guys that hit on me only want one thing. I'm not looking to just hook up with guys because trust me, I've had offers. I think that guys around this age, that's all they want to do is have fun and hook up. Me, I just want to find someone special, to be in a real, serious, committed relationship. Is that so much to ask? I think guys are afraid of commitment and the one's who are willing to commit, I don't like. My friends tell me I'm too picky and my standards are too high, but I don't and won't settle for anything less. I need to be attracted to the guy physically, to have sparks, and chemistry, I need to like his personality, especially a sense of humour. If either don't meet my expectations then I can't be anything more than friends. Basically, my non-existent love life and choosing my future career path is what I'm currently struggling with these days. Then there's the problem with the guy I do like, but I don't know if he feels the same way.

Diary 1

Is it weird when you know that someone out there has been through exactly what you're going through and understands how you're feeling? And because of that you think that they could be the perfect one for you. This may sound crazy but I truly believe that. I've seen it with my own eyes. He has written about it and I'm living it. The only insane thing is that we could never be, not just because I don't think it will. I know it won't. He lives in a different state, let alone a different country. A normal human being that expresses his feelings about dating and relationships and how hard it is to find requited love. I understand how he feels when I watch him expressing his feelings relationships. I'm in the same boat, I feel the exact same way when it comes to guys and what's totally weird is that we have so much in common and I really believe that if we knew each other in real life, there could be a spark. I just wish that this person would be around in my life and not just on my computer screen. Why can't someone like him be in my reality, a good guy that's attainable and approachable?

I guess it'll always be just a dream.