Diary 7

I believe in overcoming obstacles when you are faced with one cuz for me quitting is not the way out. When you have accomplished the problem, it's the greatest feeling in the world knowing that you have achieved something; a great sense of pride and showing others that you CAN. I was having some work obstacles and through hard work and a drive to improve and find a resolution I have completed that goal. It's still an ongoing process to always improve and do what I'm doing now but it feels so good knowing that I reached a goal.

This is where a crossroads comes in. I know I can do better at this job and show everyone that I've come a long way and this is my full potential, but that comes with time. I already got the validation from my bosses that I'm doing great and I just have to continue and keep on improving. At the same time after my evaluation, they gave me a little bonus to reward my efforts, which made me feel good cuz I have really been working and busting my ass off.

However, it's still a part time job and my parents have been on my case about finding a respectable full time job. By respectable I mean good paying career, not just a job where you only need a high school diploma. The thing is, I don't know if I'm ready to start a full time job cuz then I'd really put my heart and soul into that career job and it means I'd be 100% doing it. I'm not sure what I would like to do in the future which is why I'm hesitant on diving into a full time job. Is that weird? I'm not sure why I'm thinking this way but I just feel if I quit my job now, then I am absolutely dedicated to my full time job.

I'm not sure what to do cuz I still want that full validation from my current bosses and to show them that I can excel and my current job which doesn't make me want to quit, cuz I'm not fully at that place yet. It's also to show myself that I can do it. On the other hand, not working a full time job is really a concern for my parents cuz they think I'm not going anywhere with my life, just wasting time, just drifting but they don't get that it's more of a self pride thing rather than a financial situation. I'm not making great money at this place but my sense of worth and respect is the focus. This is where I'm torn, cuz I feel like they are right in some sense, but for me as of right now, I'm focusing all my energy to do the best at this job and to show my coworkers and bosses that I can reach that end goal. At the same time, I'm afraid to quit and dive into a full time position due to not knowing that I want to do and therefore having a fear of not wanting to invest my whole self into it. I know that I can always change my career but I think I'm just afraid of it all...the future.

My parents suggest I either continue with more education or find a good paying full time job. And they aren't making it easy. I hear this from them all the time. My mom has even gone out to say that I should find a full time job in the next month otherwise I need to move out. Am I really being lazy by not being productive and taking action for the future and wasting time trying to figure it all out? Or is this just another voice of an concerned parent?

Dear future: can you tell me what's the right thing to do?